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| ink and watercolor by KilJoi |
Silence
I’m sorry you don’t know how to respond to that,
But your silence tells me what I needed to know.
Because,
If you had anything to say, you’d write.
If you had more to hear, you’d call.
If you wanted to see me, you’d drive.
If you wanted to trust me, you’d look in my eyes.
If you wanted to change my mind, you’d argue.
If you wanted to understand, you’d ask.
If you loved to be near me, you’d find me.
If you desired to touch me, you’d advance.
If you needed to save this, you’d forget your fear.
If you longed to keep me, you’d find a way.
If you wished to disarm me, you’d pull me close.
If you aimed to undo me, you’d kiss my face.
So…
If you can’t respond, Love, I still have the answer.
But your silence tells me what I needed to know.
Because,
If you had anything to say, you’d write.
If you had more to hear, you’d call.
If you wanted to see me, you’d drive.
If you wanted to trust me, you’d look in my eyes.
If you wanted to change my mind, you’d argue.
If you wanted to understand, you’d ask.
If you loved to be near me, you’d find me.
If you desired to touch me, you’d advance.
If you needed to save this, you’d forget your fear.
If you longed to keep me, you’d find a way.
If you wished to disarm me, you’d pull me close.
If you aimed to undo me, you’d kiss my face.
So…
If you can’t respond, Love, I still have the answer.
Last Leaf
Dear little leaf lingering,
You shivery shaking shell.
Feel fickle, frail fingerling?
What a withery weakling will!
Why is that tree stuck on you,
Can’t he see you’ve dried and browned?
Won’t he let you fly from him,
Into cold white wind, be gone?
Tsk! Traitorous trapping tree,
You stubborn stack of sticks!
What a wickedly wooden weed,
Thick thundering tower of tricks!
Why is that leaf stuck on you,
Can’t she see you’ve gone to sleep?
Won’t she die with the rest of them,
Fade to gray hazed history?
You shivery shaking shell.
Feel fickle, frail fingerling?
What a withery weakling will!
Why is that tree stuck on you,
Can’t he see you’ve dried and browned?
Won’t he let you fly from him,
Into cold white wind, be gone?
Tsk! Traitorous trapping tree,
You stubborn stack of sticks!
What a wickedly wooden weed,
Thick thundering tower of tricks!
Why is that leaf stuck on you,
Can’t she see you’ve gone to sleep?
Won’t she die with the rest of them,
Fade to gray hazed history?
Kildeer
I get you mama bird…
Why fly?
When you run like you do.
Whispy hashmarks
In sand and snow,
Ephemeral record
A few will know.
Let them wonder—
Never say why
You take to streets
When you easily fly.
Stay grounded mama bird…
This small piece,
Is still your own.
Why fly?
When you run like you do.
Whispy hashmarks
In sand and snow,
Ephemeral record
A few will know.
Let them wonder—
Never say why
You take to streets
When you easily fly.
Stay grounded mama bird…
This small piece,
Is still your own.
Cool and Cherry
Or How Passion Learned Her Place...
As a snow world swirls its furious freeze,
As a wood warm cabin, care & cumber relieve,
A work worn man now pushes his plate,
Full, yet unfulfilled by the fruit of the day.
Stands, stretches, searches the room,
Discovers, delights, the draw of perfume.
Something still simmers over the fire,
Tempting a taste, kindling desire.
As berries burn red and bubbling run over,
As a cast iron kettle jealously just holds her,
A will-renewed man will now have his treat,
But rashly reaching in, he halts at the heat.
Decided, determined, devises a way,
To get what he wants, but not have to pay.
Smiling, conniving, cleverly careful,
Guarded and gloved, he now grips the handle.
As sting soft steam kisses thirsty thick skin,
As a garish garnet glow calls the hunter within,
A mild method man fills a fork with etiquette,
And calmly cools a crushed cherry with circumspect breath.
.
Birthdays are a Beach
falling from fingers
spilling out seams
wearing down works
irritating eyes
small
significant
sand
.
Lost and Found
for Shiny
Love is a forgetful thing,
As it wanders down the road,
That finds a threadbare pocket
Once arriving at the store.
Retraces steps with keener eyes,
Grieves in guilt for greed.
Fumbles in vain for payment
To pacify mere need.
Hope is an awakening thing
That surprises me one day--
Notices the tiny glint of me
Buried in hardened clay.
Bends down to brush my surface,
Hides me in a gentle palm.
Ponders not the art of spending,
But regards me as a lucky charm.
.
Love is a forgetful thing,
As it wanders down the road,
That finds a threadbare pocket
Once arriving at the store.
Retraces steps with keener eyes,
Grieves in guilt for greed.
Fumbles in vain for payment
To pacify mere need.
Hope is an awakening thing
That surprises me one day--
Notices the tiny glint of me
Buried in hardened clay.
Bends down to brush my surface,
Hides me in a gentle palm.
Ponders not the art of spending,
But regards me as a lucky charm.
.
Rings? or Dice...
What is love but speculation?
A risk, a gamble, a shot--
It can't escape fear of betrayal.
Regret, disappointment, doubt--
Becomes unbound by uncertainty...
Liability, hazard, hope--
When it's her purest vulnerability
To be candid, ready, held.
A risk, a gamble, a shot--
It can't escape fear of betrayal.
Regret, disappointment, doubt--
Becomes unbound by uncertainty...
Liability, hazard, hope--
When it's her purest vulnerability
To be candid, ready, held.
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| Watercolor by KilJoi |
1999
We laughed loosely
We laid back
in grass or carpet or sheets
and sometimes hoods of cars
We threw rocks across water
We raced down halls
We climbed to rooftops
hiding from cops
or friends or my boss
We wore our welcome out of
bottomless mugs and
berated battling bands
We ruled the radio
with irreverence and irrelevance
We sealed our memories
in an imaginary kiss and
forced the day to never end.
I left the door open.
You used it.
We laid back
in grass or carpet or sheets
and sometimes hoods of cars
We threw rocks across water
We raced down halls
We climbed to rooftops
hiding from cops
or friends or my boss
We wore our welcome out of
bottomless mugs and
berated battling bands
We ruled the radio
with irreverence and irrelevance
We sealed our memories
in an imaginary kiss and
forced the day to never end.
I left the door open.
You used it.
Fern's Granddaughter
Pull your roots free from dry soil.
Untangle your tendrils from spiraled Eden.
Creep carefully from crowded bed.
Reach your withered fronds high in hope.
Uncurl pinched petals into soft warm air.
Stretch your stalk tall, and lean into light.
Drink fresh dew in the dawn of a new day.
Untangle your tendrils from spiraled Eden.
Creep carefully from crowded bed.
Reach your withered fronds high in hope.
Uncurl pinched petals into soft warm air.
Stretch your stalk tall, and lean into light.
Drink fresh dew in the dawn of a new day.
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| Watercolor by KilJoi |
Indifference
It’s the routine of being forgotten
The daily grind of standing in line
The endless wait for empty promises
The unfulfilling ways I pass the time
It’s the routine of being forgotten
The deep cut rut of being left out
The perfunctory pace and stoic face
That consents this daunting doubt.
Does he love me, does he care?
Would he even notice if I dared?
It’s the routine of being forgotten
That made me indifferent to
The state of your heart or feelings
When you discover what I could do.
watercolor by kiljoi
The daily grind of standing in line
The endless wait for empty promises
The unfulfilling ways I pass the time
It’s the routine of being forgotten
The deep cut rut of being left out
The perfunctory pace and stoic face
That consents this daunting doubt.
Does he love me, does he care?
Would he even notice if I dared?
It’s the routine of being forgotten
That made me indifferent to
The state of your heart or feelings
When you discover what I could do.
Love from Minneapolis
I know what brought you here,
I just wish I knew what would make you stay.
Watercolor by KilJoi
Flirtation in Rhyme
--------------------------------------
A poetic rebel of this chiefdom, I
Am a spirit of balance on a see-saw
Gradually slowing down until it stops
When did you start spinning?
The Divine spark of the top
...Never ceases its vibration
I sense "you"
Your presence is inferred
Exponentially humming in Dark Matter,
Being the breath of my word.
-Synapse
A quixotic martyr of this chimera, I
Am a force of ambition on a carousel
Gently spinning round until it sings
When did you start noticing?
The Sacred pyre of the axis
...Forever continues its persuasion
"I" solicit you.
Your amity is discerned
Reciprocally rumbling in Deep space,
Being the echo of my call.
-KilJoi
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| Synergy and Sympathy |
The Coal Walker Sighs
You were my cool water.
You soothed my soles,
After you watched me walk the coals.
Of nails and tacks,
Sizzling hot pavers,
Or eggshells and glass, I’ve been no stranger.
I do my own stunts,
And I shall continue.
It just felt nice dipping my toes in you.
As I focused on you.
It guided me to
A place of rest where I could be new.
I know as I attempt
Another pass through the fire,
The callous will reform without my cool water.
You soothed my soles,
After you watched me walk the coals.
Of nails and tacks,
Sizzling hot pavers,
Or eggshells and glass, I’ve been no stranger.
I do my own stunts,
And I shall continue.
It just felt nice dipping my toes in you.
As I focused on you.
It guided me to
A place of rest where I could be new.
I know as I attempt
Another pass through the fire,
The callous will reform without my cool water.
Paddleball
I am rubber.
I am a pink round ball.
I am tethered by some strange stretchy string.
I am flying free, then suddenly --
I am tugged in a new direction.
Without warning, I am crashing,
Head over heels, smashing into you.
You are rigid.
You are a paddling flat board.
You love to yank and knock your little round ball.
You drive me away with that flat coolness.
And draw me in with elastic charm.
But I am rubber.
I hold my shape.
Pencil Sketch by KilJoi
Unexpected
It still surprises me,
And it’s all I can think of lately...
The fulfilling comfort of your company,
The heartening reward of your playful smile,
The healing affirmation of your hand on mine,
The addicting intimacy of mixing fingers with that hair,
The draw of your scent and the seduction in your kiss,
The ethereal thrill of finding you gently...intensely,
Helium Perspective
Dear boy with the string,
I see you down there,
Happily wandering
Without worry or care,
An orange glow of comfort
Following behind in the air...
Is it just my opinion,
That we make a nice pair?
I like how you tether me
Gently by one string,
And let me play in the wind
Dancing and free.
You know if you hold me,
I'll explode from the heat
And a sharp edge might
Take all the air out of me.
Simple joy to your life
My company should bring,
If there's sun to shine through
My transparency.
Though boys' interest in toys
May be temporary,
That still can't diminish
This moment for me.
I see you down there,
Happily wandering
Without worry or care,
An orange glow of comfort
Following behind in the air...
Is it just my opinion,
That we make a nice pair?
I like how you tether me
Gently by one string,
And let me play in the wind
Dancing and free.
You know if you hold me,
I'll explode from the heat
And a sharp edge might
Take all the air out of me.
Simple joy to your life
My company should bring,
If there's sun to shine through
My transparency.
Though boys' interest in toys
May be temporary,
That still can't diminish
This moment for me.
I AM the Heir
I am a child of the world,
The heir to centuries of thought,
Beneficiary to what the brightest have built.
And granted the gifts of generations.
I am entitled to a legacy
Of Wisdom
Like the roots of a tree, I am
Drawing on resources left for me
Nutrients in the soil where my ancestors sleep.
And like that tree, I am
Connected
Claiming my inheritance
As the foundation for what I will build.
The heir to centuries of thought,
Beneficiary to what the brightest have built.
And granted the gifts of generations.
I am entitled to a legacy
Of Wisdom
Creativity
Invention
Language
Culture
Love
Reaching for KnowledgeLike the roots of a tree, I am
Drawing on resources left for me
Nutrients in the soil where my ancestors sleep.
And like that tree, I am
Connected
Grounded
Grateful
Supported
Equipped
Prepared
Privileged... I amClaiming my inheritance
As the foundation for what I will build.
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Watercolor by KilJoi |
Know Me in Ink
Part of me
Can only be expressed
Quietly in ink on paper
Delicately in carefully chosen words
Vaguely with poetically mutated grammar
Secretly for an audience of one.
Part of me
Can only be known
Quietly collected from a page
Delicately decoded in a discerning mind
Vaguely in incremental allowances
Secretly, a burden for the bearer.
Photo by KilJoi
Can only be expressed
Quietly in ink on paper
Delicately in carefully chosen words
Vaguely with poetically mutated grammar
Secretly for an audience of one.
Part of me
Can only be known
Quietly collected from a page
Delicately decoded in a discerning mind
Vaguely in incremental allowances
Secretly, a burden for the bearer.
Photo by KilJoi
Phosphorescence
I've been hearing all day
"You seem to be glowing..."
But all I say
is "Do I??"
The phoshorescent consequence,
Of exposure to your radiance
I got a little charged...
Call it, electron excitement.
An unusual intersystem crossing
To an elevated spin mulitiplicity then
Transitioning to relax, I find
A kinetically unfavored and forbidden energy state.
I thought it a photoluminescent event
My quantum yield is significant
I admit, I slowly re-emit
Your brilliant photons...
You glow-in-the-dark me.
"You seem to be glowing..."
But all I say
is "Do I??"
The phoshorescent consequence,
Of exposure to your radiance
I got a little charged...
Call it, electron excitement.
An unusual intersystem crossing
To an elevated spin mulitiplicity then
Transitioning to relax, I find
A kinetically unfavored and forbidden energy state.
I thought it a photoluminescent event
My quantum yield is significant
I admit, I slowly re-emit
Your brilliant photons...
You glow-in-the-dark me.
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| Watercolor by KilJoi |
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